Wednesday, 25 April 2007

My Minor Epiphany

I was sitting at my table, eating my delicious Ice-Cream and ok-but-far-from-brilliant Vanilla Slice at Res tea last night when I think I had a minor epiphany.

I was eating and thinking over a conversation I'd had the previous night with (the beautiful) Tiarnee and while doing so, I came to the conclusion that while it is fear that often (almost always) rules peoples lives, the object of fear is not always the most obvious one. It seems to me, that the vast majority of people are not in-fact fearful or scared of rejection. I contend that love and acceptance are more feared than rejection and disappointment. Why would anyone fear love? I'm not 100% sure but I'll try to explain it best I can.

Before I started 'going-out' with Tiarnee I was very hesitant to tell her that I liked & was attracted to her. It took some serious prodding from God (& Tiarnee herself) before I actually dared to acknowledge the feelings and things that where happening inside of me. I was petrified to acknowledge that I liked her, but not because there was a possibility that she would reject me. Tiarnee had already made it clear how she herself felt about me. I was scared of being accepted by someone for who I was. I was afraid that I would get too close to the wrong person. That God would say that this is the wrong one. But mostly, I was afraid that I wasn't good enough.

Too this day I still often feel in-adequate compared to the love shown to me by God and yes, my girlfriend. People don't go and have one-night stands because they're scared of rejection. Because rejection is a given in a one-night stand. The next morning it's all over. Both parties involved in a one-night stand realise they're just being used by the other. People have one night stands (I belive) because they don't know how to, or are scared of being accepted and thus, vunerable before other people. Because once someone is loved, and then loves in return, life loses its' focus on self, and losing self focus is about as popular as swimming in Lake Wendouree. This applies to all relationships with all people, not just ones with romantic (or otherwise) interest.

Does that make any sense? It made alot of sense when I thought of it in my head......


PI007 on 25 April 2007 at 10:10 pm said...

Hmmm, I think it is a mix of both because everyone wants to be loved but because we like to be independent we sort of don't want it as well but on the other hand we don't want to be rejected and disappointed.

I do understand what you are saying, probably not as well as it means to you though...

Turtle on 25 April 2007 at 10:53 pm said...

Preach it, brother.

It's once that love and acceptance is taken for granted that things start going wrong. In fact, I would go so far to say that really, we need to always accept that we will feel some unacceptance in a relationship- because it keeps us striving for real love, and honest about why we are in the relationship.

The power in serving others other than ourselves transforms relationships so much- because all of a sudden joy come from giving rather than receiving. I've learnt that it's not about me. It's about you.

I don't agree with your one night stand theory- I think it lacks insight on a number of issues, but that doesn't discount it or make it any less true. Rather, in discussions with various people about one night stands, and sex in general, it's about 'in the moment' and the actual 'feeling' something from another person, even if it is only for one night. You have to *care* to have a one night stand in the first place, it's just that the moral compass get's skewed in the first place.

It takes a lifetime to understand love, but as someone who knows you, I'm proud of this post- it shows me just how much you feel, and do think- at a greater level than I thought.

Commendable stuff Jonny!


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