My Minor Epiphany

I was sitting at my table, eating my delicious Ice-Cream and ok-but-far-from-brilliant Vanilla Slice at Res tea last night when I think I had a minor epiphany.

I was eating and thinking over a conversation I'd had the previous night with (the beautiful) Tiarnee and while doing so, I came to the conclusion that while it is fear that often (almost always) rules peoples lives, the object of fear is not always the most obvious one. It seems to me, that the vast majority of people are not in-fact fearful or scared of rejection. I contend that love and acceptance are more feared than rejection and disappointment. Why would anyone fear love? I'm not 100% sure but I'll try to explain it best I can.

Before I started 'going-out' with Tiarnee I was very hesitant to tell her that I liked & was attracted to her. It took some serious prodding from God (& Tiarnee herself) before I actually dared to acknowledge the feelings and things that where happening inside of me. I was petrified to acknowledge that I liked her, but not because there was a possibility that she would reject me. Tiarnee had already made it clear how she herself felt about me. I was scared of being accepted by someone for who I was. I was afraid that I would get too close to the wrong person. That God would say that this is the wrong one. But mostly, I was afraid that I wasn't good enough.

Too this day I still often feel in-adequate compared to the love shown to me by God and yes, my girlfriend. People don't go and have one-night stands because they're scared of rejection. Because rejection is a given in a one-night stand. The next morning it's all over. Both parties involved in a one-night stand realise they're just being used by the other. People have one night stands (I belive) because they don't know how to, or are scared of being accepted and thus, vunerable before other people. Because once someone is loved, and then loves in return, life loses its' focus on self, and losing self focus is about as popular as swimming in Lake Wendouree. This applies to all relationships with all people, not just ones with romantic (or otherwise) interest.

Does that make any sense? It made alot of sense when I thought of it in my head......